Four Keys to Happiness
Wednesday, May 28th, 2008Each human being strives to be happy. Only our needs for
survival and safety are stronger. Since most of us able to
receive this article have sufficient food, clothing, and
shelter, it’s safe to say that we’re spending much of our time
and energy seeking happiness.
Consider these four keys to increased happiness.
1. Examine your fundamental belief about happiness. Do you
expect to be happy? I once overheard two young people talking.
One young man said to the other, “I never expect anything good
to happen, that way I’m never disappointed.” This young person
traded his hopes of happy life events for the certainty of
avoiding disappointment. Listen to the lunch table talk of those
around you-perhaps even your own talk-do you hear expectations
of happiness?
There is much social research-as well as spiritual teaching-
supporting the theory that we get what we expect. Expect to be
happy and you will be. Expect to be unhappy and that, too, will
come to you.
So the first key to your happiness is that you must believe that
happiness is possible for you. If this is too difficult a belief
based on where you are now, then accept that happiness is coming
soon. You must begin your quest for happiness with a positive
foundation. At the very least, make a bargain with yourself. For
thirty days, allow yourself to believe happiness is not only
possible, but on the way. You have nothing to lose, so give it a
try.
2. Find three things to appreciate at the start and end of each
day. This second key to happiness is all about recognizing that
which you already have. Even the dreariest of days and the most
onerous life circumstances have some positive aspects. Start
your day by finding three things to appreciate. This can be as
basic as appreciating that you woke up to another day and you’re
alive. Appreciate the weather, not just a sunny day, but also a
cloudy day. See the beauty in a rain or snow storm. Appreciate
your job if you have one, even if you dislike it. Appreciate
your car, even if it’s a clunker. Find three things for which
you can summon up an appreciative mood.
At the end of the day, repeat this process. This time focus your
appreciation on three events of the day. Something good must
have happened to you today-after all, you’re still alive.
Appreciate something new you learned today, even if it was that
you can survive a dressing down by an irate customer. Appreciate
the welcome you received from your spouse, child, or pet, the
safety of your home, or that you have food for dinner.
3. Accept, change, or separate from that which prevents your
happiness. Don’t dwell on the sources of unhappiness in your
life, but do notice them. The third key is to make the conscious
decision to do one of the only three things you can ever do to
change a source of unhappiness-fully accept it, work to change
it, or separate from it. These are your choices unless you
really don’t want a change-the choice to remain unhappy so you
can feel the victim is also available. Many people choose this
one.
Fully accepting something means embracing it as your own-
choosing it. It doesn’t mean whining or complaining about it. It
doesn’t mean pretending it isn’t there. It means accepting it as
part of your life. If that isn’t feasible for you, then…
Work to change it. If your source of unhappiness is a lousy
job-something you just can’t contemplate continuing for more
than a few months-consider how you might change it. Do you have
any room within this job to change some aspect of what you do or
how you go about doing the job? Are there problems outside your
responsibility that interest you? Ask your boss if you can take
on a problem in addition to your regular responsibilities. Few
bosses will begrudge you taking on more work. Perhaps you can
gradually shift your responsibilities to things that are more
interesting and better aligned to your abilities. If you can see
no possible way to change your situation, then…
Decide to separate yourself from the source of unhappiness. Life
is too short to continue in a situation that you can’t accept
and you can’t change. So leave it. Even in this poor economy
with many people out of work, there are still jobs available.
Start looking-unless you prefer to keep things just as they are
and complain. Be honest with yourself about this. Some people
really do prefer to complain than to correct.
4. Focus on that which makes you happy. The fourth key is to
consciously control your thinking so that you focus all your
thoughts, all your energy, and all your time on things that make
you happy. Simply decide to reside within the positive areas of
your life. This may initially impress you as
“sticking-your-head-in-the-sand,”-but it’s not. Life surrounds
us with diverse experiences. We can choose those to which we
give our attention. Does it make you happy or unhappy when your
lunch crowd starts whining and complaining? Steer the
conversation to something more positive. Or mentally distance
yourself and enjoy the drama that each person is playing. Avoid
feeling sorry for yourself, bitter about your bad luck, or
envious of others. Stick with thoughts and activities that feel
good and watch your happiness index go up.
An excellent resource on building happiness is “Authentic
Happiness,” by Dr. Martin Seligman. His web site,
http://www.authentichappiness.com, offers many self assessment
surveys.
